HUH

I am not okay and i feel sad. Really sad. This has nothing to do with any relationship concerns i had. This is purely about my personal life. I wanted to share this cause i just need to discharge myself from being depressed at the moment. I am not okay and i feel sad. Sad about not being able to take the course i wanted in the first place. About not pursuing what i really want. About not being able to prove myself to anyone. Just to let you know, i am still taking up the same course and im actually in my last year. Surprisingly, i am still enduring despite the absence of determination to study this course. I realized that maybe i am not as happy as any college girl who enjoys and appreciates the course she's taking right now. I guess im not satisfied w this whole thing. or am i just feeling confused? I know there is something lacking and i hate it.

Back in high school, i have always imagined myself as a writer in a magazine (wannabewriterrrrrr), a radio jockey and for the most part, a video jockey which is unfortunately very far from the field im currently taking. I admit i still dont have enough skills but until now i am still hoping of becoming one someday. Whenever i see and hear stuff from people saying they are actually enjoying every wisdom they gained from their chosen field, i couldnt help but feel a twinge of envy. Its not that im not learning anything, its just that somehow i feel like im not enjoying what im learning. It can also be a good thing since im absorbing from a different position but the thing is, this is not really what i want and its too late to escape.